I am Returned
London, eh? Nice place to visit, etc etc. Long haul flights suck quite substantially, but security controls weren't nearly as bad as I'd been lead to fear -- I got a harder time from customs coming into Auckland than I did in Heathrow. Anyway, on with the show:
10 comments:
Welcome back - we've missed you (well actually your updates :) )
"My God", Elsie screaked, "they wouldn't let me on the plane. Something about these being water lilies. What's happening?"
"Yes, that's a good price, and I'm sure they give you the best orgasm ever (don't they all), but I can't do business with a woman wearing real fur. I have my principles. ... Good day madam."
The ruse was going along perfectly when, suddenly, Dave realised his chest hair was visible over his plunging neckline.
"Well I DID warn you to give it ten minutes."
Improvement
"I'd give it ten minutes in there if I were you girls"
This is such an exact art.
"Oh hi Mum. Mum, this is Julia, who's been a really special friend while you've been working abroad. We've kind of got something to tell you..."
"Never mind that - This is the blood orchid that contains the secret of immortality. I've had to betray my entire team and fight off hordes of giant snakes to get it back from the jungle, and now NZ bio-security want to throw it in the incinerator! Quick, hide it. And my Tibetan Snow Leopard coat as well."
Obscure British Pop Culture Reference
Woman "You've crashed my NEW car!"
Girls "Carm down dear, it's only a commercial"
"Jesus Christ in a Halter Top! Are you... Are you taking jello shots out of my good china? What, are you flashing back to your Phi Sucka Cocka days? Stupid whores!"
"It's PEOPLE! Earl Grey is PEOPLE!"
Gertrude was hysterical; and if she kept lashing out like this to potential candidates for Sheila's Unnecessary Limbs Surgery, Sheila was going to have to take those hempflowers away from her one of these days.
Post a Comment